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City is restless, its ready to pounce!!! [15 Mar 2006|06:33pm]
[ mood | fuckers. ]

I'm bored. I'm bor-ing. Gina I am still aquainted with. Gina, continues to break my heart. I'm recovering. I'm working at a vetrinary clinic now. My car should be running again soon. My favorite cat is in the kitty hospital. I love my friends. Life is tiring. I thought having a real life would be great, but its not so much. Sometimes it is, most of the time its really not. Its very sad to say, I miss my days of only having online friends. The drama was so reduced, and all you had to do is sign off and forget about it. Heartbreak was not involved, and would not continue for almost a year after it all happened. You don't hurt people yourself so much online. Friendships exsist online, but no real strong bonds, idk. I'm a fucking prat and I'm alive but I feel like I'm not strong enough to be. Now I sound emo. I should mention how now I bleed black, and to me the sun never shines, lol. Lousy emo bastards.

1 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

[29 Jul 2005|02:46pm]
You scored -39 (-52 being completely gay, 0 being bisexual, and 52 being completely straight)
As of right now, you are interested in the same sex. You have very little to no sexual interest in the opposite sex. If you are sexually inexperienced at this point, it is possible that you have latent heterosexual tendencies that you have not yet discovered.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online dating free online dating
You scored higher than 2% on Orientation
Link: The Sexuality Spectrum Test written by tall_man_54 on OkCupid Free Online Dating

...i'm so gay
1 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

Someday you will ache like me... [19 May 2005|01:55pm]
Gina broke up with me. She fell out of love with me, lost feeling for me, something like that, plus somehow I was "getting in the way" of her finding a job, making her movie, and moving out. I don't understand, but then I guess I really never understood her. But she hurt me, she hurt me really bad. Because I love her.

Other than that, well, things haven't been so great, but not so bad. Showbread show is coming up on Friday (tomorrow, woo) that'll be exciting, they're such a good band. Looking for a job, etc..etc...Nothing, really. Nothing at all.
4 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

Smoke a cigarette and lie somemore. [08 Apr 2005|04:18pm]
[ mood | kite-like ]

I'm bored, oh so bored....

I haven't updated my LJ in forever, mostly because no one reads it, yet I can't seem to let go, seeing as my online journaling roots are completely based on LiveJournal. Livejournal has been my home away from home.

Wow, that last sentence was the lamest sentence ever. So, nothing really going on, its nice outside yet there's absolutely nothing to do which blows. Went camping earlier this week, that was fun. Suppost to go to some lame concert tonight in Lincoln, but that doesn't sound very exciting. Taste of Chaos was an awesome concert, lots of crowd surfing, being pushed up against nasty sweaty people (sick!!!) falling down and being stepped on, and losing ones shoe many times. Luckily many of the times I fell, my cousin Mark was nearby to yank me back up. Then randomly during MCR, Gina and I were jumping around like idiots, and all of a sudden I had a t-shirt in my hand, after I had complained most of the night about how I didn't have the money to buy one. It was the used, the t-shirt was, which is ok, it was free right? And thats all that matters.

July's coming up really fast it seems, I'm so excited about our trip to Canada, its going to be so much fun!! I hope Trevor has a good time while he's back for the whole 2 weeks that he's out of Iraq. Tims girlfriend, still annoying, told Gina she looked like a Dyke, which is stupid considering Gina has one of the cutest hair cuts of and of the girls I know.

On an ending note, Gina and I have been dating for 7 months now. :)

4 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

Its the worst case scenario, you are the weakest link [01 Feb 2005|08:28am]
Today is me and Gina's 5 month anniversary, go us!! Making it work, and taking nothing by storm (yet)

That made no sense.

Anyways, yeah, its our 5 month anniversary, and that makes me happy. We were both sure it was 4 months, but then we randomly counted it out this morning at the donut stop and realized that it was actually 5 months, duh us. We went to breakfast at McDonalds, which has like the best breakfast in the world, honestly breakfast burritos + sausage and cheese mcgriddles = my day made. Yup. Yum.

Gina and I are getting our tickets to the Used and My Chemical Romance concert today, woop woop, I'm soo exicted!! That concert is going to kick major ass, biznatch!!
2 shots to the back of the head.

Would you marry me? Would you bury me? [28 Jan 2005|09:08am]
[ mood | satisfied ]

Ahh, another night of staying up all night, I had a wonderful night at least, full of good Gina-time. Long-ish story short, I had the best sex ever last night. Pimpin!! (Too much info? Sorry! lol...)

We went to this slightly run-down cafe this morning, Joe's Cafe on the Corner of 66th and Maple, smells funny, full of smoke, but they had really good, cheap food, friendly service, and friendly customers. It was really nice. Tim is going to try to get me a job where he works, cleaning/driving cars to and from places, picking people up, etc...not a bad job at all.

A lot of hanging out with Tim this week, which has been good. Gina and I went to the donut stop yesterday morning, and the silly girl locked her keys in her car, again! Luckily, I have AAA, so they popped the locks in a second and that was that. I love AAA, they're so handy when you have car trouble.

My birthday was good, went to the Olive Garden with Gina and her parents, which was a good meal, then Gina, Tim, Carly and I went to Old Chicago, so Tim and I could have a drink, and we ordered these really crappy nachos, they were so gross and a total waste of money :( And then, of course, we went to the dounut shop, minus Carly.

Nothing else really going on, Greg is playing his first show with his new band tonight, which is exciting, and I'm very sure he'll do well. Yay for Greg, I love him!!!

2 shots to the back of the head.

Give me indulgence, decadence [20 Jan 2005|10:58am]
[ mood | hyper ]

Well howdy fellow myspace and livejournal-ians alike! Yes, I double post, because my friends won't all switch to one journaling community or another. Piss-ants, all of you! Just kidding, Kisses! (Uggh, gag me)

Well, there was my morning bit o' cheeriness. I'm all tuckered out here you see. Naah. Not really, I'm getting really desperate for a job now, Amber needs money. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! Mmmm...yeah.

So I'm going to be 22 in 5 days. Bleh, 22, I'm so damn old (at least I feel like it, most of the people I hang out with anymore are 18-19 or so) But ya know, another year, blah blah blah. I just hope this one goes better than the last. I really hope it does.

Otep will be here Feb. 4th, I'm really excited, they put on a really great show. They're playing with a bunch of nobodies, at least, noone i've heard about yet, which kinda sucks, but you have to give them all a try right?

I've got a cold. Smoking to much. Mucus running down the back of my throat.

Oh, what a lovely visual I've left you all with (Btw, sorry about this annoying post. Early morning + hyper =super annoying. coo coo ca choo)

2 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

[18 Jan 2005|04:32pm]

Who's been commenting in your journal?

1 crazygal 13 comments 28.26% of total
2 evilpinkfaerie 11 comments 23.91% of total
3 darkfear 9 comments 19.57% of total
4 poeticcriminal 7 comments 15.22% of total
5 liamhsiemllac 2 comments 4.35% of total
6 brinksta 2 comments 4.35% of total
7 Anonymous 1 comments 2.17% of total
8 docuventary 1 comments 2.17% of total

These statistics were generated using the LJ Stats Web Interface by mpnolan. Original idea from scrapdog's LJ Comment Stats Wizard.
2 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

[12 Jan 2005|10:39am]

LJ Username
favorite color
favorite music
do you think your hot
are you sexy TRUE
skills in bed - 43%
kissing skills - 83%
something random you smell good
how many people you'll do 20
who will be next darkfear
This QuickKwiz by xo_pinky - Taken 132 Times.
New - How do you get a guy to like you?

4 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

Think happy thoughts...think happy thoughts [10 Jan 2005|05:47pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

Not much of anything going on, looking for work and etc...all that fun shit. Gina and I have started that creepy couple thing, where we think to much alike, and not just the simple being hungry at the same time, like a couple days ago we were leaving a movie, and I was wondering what Gina was going to name her production company, and was trying to think up names, and then Gina said "Hmm, what should I name my production company?" out of the blue. And other assorted jazz. Yeah.

Anyways, I was thinking, ok actual sudden suicide is a thing very many people are against, right? The act of killing yourself is something that many people try to stop, or hell, you get yourself held in a hospital, right? Well, I was just thinking earlier, everyone IS killing themselves one way or another, its just over a longer period of time, you know? So does that mean everyone is slowely commiting suicide? If so, people who smoke, or drink in obsessive amounts and eat to much should also be put in mental institutions, eh? I'm not really serious about that, obviously, because the whole fucking nation would be trying to squeeze into hospitals then. Well, what I'm trying to say is if people are all doing it slowely, whats the big deal if someone wants to do it suddenly? Is it that much a bigger crime? I'm not saying that I want to or am planning to, its just something I was thinking about. And especially people with painful diseases, where they are going to die anyways, who has the right to judge them if they want to off themselves, rather than living another few months or a year in tremendous pain? Just something to think about.

On another note...my head hurts.


I love my budgy. :)

6 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

I cry as my innocence dies. [03 Jan 2005|06:15pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

New Years Eve was nice, Gina and I went with Cay, his band was playing at this kid Brock's house, Cay's band put on a really good show even though it was just in a tiny garage, it was good. Cay was happy that kids finally hardcore danced to his songs. Silly hardcore dancing, its rediculous, but its familiar now, and I would miss it if we moved away, it seems they don't do it in many other places.

The Used and My Chemical Romance are coming here on March 17th, and in Kansas City on March 19th with Killswitch Engage, Senses Fail, and some other bands. Promises to be a good show, I can't wait. If we're in Texas, we're totally travelling up here to see it.

We're still waiting to hear about texas. Really hope we get to go.

Cay and Kasey broke up, which sucks, it would have been nice if they had made it, considering they were each other's firsts. But honestly, I think if Kasey hadn't pressured Cay over and over into having sex, he never would have done it, but he gave into her. And she never did try to go to anything that was of any interest to him, whereas he went to her stupid christmas party and missed a show he really wanted to see, and hung out with her friends who didn't like him and who he didn't like. You can never lay the blame in a relationship solely on one person, but in this case, the weight is MOSTLY on Kasey. I didn't say all, just most.

1 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

I forfeit ressurection to escape the pain (I hate my life) [30 Dec 2004|04:40pm]
[ mood | sore ]

Our kitty is in the vet today, shes getting spayed, poor baby. Gina and I had to get up at 6am, (gina stayed up all night, i just slept for like 20min) and she yoweled and cried the whole way there. And last night, Gina and I were in the middle of...stuff, and we hear Tweekers jumping around, and playing with something that was making the noise of a pen clicking, and we were like WTF? and we saw this weird black thing crawling around on the floor, and like two big pussys, we got scared of whatever it was and neither of us would get up to turn off the light, but then it sort of jumped/flew over to us, and turned out to be a bat, it was really cute too. Tweek put a hole in its wing, so we put it outside to see if it could fly away, and it did.

So exciting story of the night, we found a bat in ginas room. woop wooop.

Christmas was sort of dull, it was good with ginas family, her mom got me some nice candles and a shirt, and some candy and a cross necklace, then we went to my moms, who was super grumpy and made me feel super crappy, and my dad was there, and I always get sad around him, because he basically doesn't even acknowledge my presence anymore, so that was a huge downer, and i'm not a greedy person, i would rather get nothing than to have my mom grab a wad of money, pull out a 20 and toss it to me you know? When I know that she took a lot of time out of her day to pick out my other siblings gifts, and the best she could do for me is throw me some cash as I was going out the door. Blah. And as usual, I got jealous of Ciara, she always has cuter clothes than me, and shes always thinner, and it drives me crazy. So that depressed me and i wanted to cry all the way to my grandmas, but then we got to my grandmas and she was at least in a decent mood and wasn't grumpy cause we were there, she fed us, and at least gave me money in a christmas card since she didn't feel like doing actual christmas shopping.

We're still trying to get Leslie to agree to let us come down to texas, a couple of nights ago when she got into town, gina and i went over there, and her and marna got shitfaced drunk and talked to gina and i about our sex life, which was enormously uncomfortable for the both of us. but then she at least apologized, and now we just have to wait to see what my uncle mike has to say.

And I got the new Otep cd, and it is goooooooood.

1 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

[21 Dec 2004|06:17pm]
So, its pretty much definant (pending a phone call from Gina's dad) that Gina and I are moving to texas, in about 2 - 2 and a half weeks from now. I talked to my aunt and my uncle and they were both fine with it, and just wanted to talk to ginas 'rents. Its going to be a good experience for Gina and I, and it will be nice to get the hell out of nebraska.

Yesterday we went shopping with my grandma, woop woop! It was nice though, and I got some cool stuff for my mom and little sisters. And today we went to lunch with ginas mom, to olive garden, they're really good. And a couple of days ago when Bryan got into town, we went to Westroads to climb the rock wall at Dicks sporting goods, and bryan and I climbed at the same time, but he fell which sucked cause then he couldn't really go much further, but I did get to the top and I felt very accomplished about that!

Not much else going on, getting ready for christmas, and having a very good time with my budgy. :)
2 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

what cha waiting for? [18 Dec 2004|11:38am]
[ mood | happy ]

Wow, Gina and I are..........up! Early! Go us, Ginas mom had us go to church with her this morning around 7:30ish, oooh sooo early, after a very late night.

Last night, my mom wanted us to hook up with her at this bar near my grandmas house where she was playing darts with some friends, so Gina and I went there, and my moms bestfriend Cyndi was fighting pretty badly with her boyfriend, and I guess she had hit him out in the parking lot earlier. Anyways, we then decided to go to Springfield to go to another bar, and Cyndi wanted to try and lose that guy I guess, which she didn't do. We went to a bar in springfield were I swear, half the population of Platteview (my old highschool) was there, a few girls from my grade were there, two who used to make fun of me a lot, and a couple of my old friends. On of the girls who used to tease me though came up and talked to me, and that was cool, she was nice at least.

Anyways, Cyndi and her boyfriend continued to fight, it escalated to the point where he wouldn't leave her alone and she was going to call 911, but then she decided just to go to my moms house, cause it was only a couple of blocks away. At this point, my mom, Cyndi, and her ex boyfriend were all pretty blitzed, and I had a slight buzz after a few drinks. Cyndi wanted Gina to drive her home, and asked Gina if she was sober (which she was, of course) and then Cyndi walked away and my mom was like "No gina, tell her you're high and you can't drive" cause my mom didn't want gina driving cyndi around. So cyndi was going to drive herself home, my mom tryed to stop her but she had already left by the time my mom got there. we went to cyndis house to make sure she got home ok, turns out she slammed into a pole a couple of blocks from my moms house, and left the car there and got a ride back from the ex, who then took away cyndis keys and wouldn't give them back...blah blah blah, argue argue argue, then they went to go get the car, and there were cops there cause it was pretty much a hit and run and all that jazz, but i suppose it got cleared up, they wanted cyndi to stay the night at my moms house, to sober up so the cops didn't find her drunk, but today is gabbys birthday and my mom didn't want that ruined, so she said no.

i'm sure that was a rather boring story, but it was rather entertaining for both gina and i. yeppers. todays my little sisters 11th birthday, awww. and a week before christmas.

oh yeah, and gina and I are most likely moving down to Texas in a couple of weeks.

3 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

I don't know what to do with you. [12 Dec 2004|06:24pm]
[ mood | geeky ]

Oh, sweet cancer, here I come!


Hah, anyways. I haven't updated on here in awhile, and I wasn't going to come back, but I like random returns and all. Anyways:

Gina and I are doing very well, despite some random arguments that I seem to start...but I love her and she loves me and its all good. Last night we went to a gay club, it was actually a lot of fun, while all the songs had the general techno beat, they played some decent, current songs. And lots of random people came up to talk to us. Otherwise we haven't been up to much, still looking for jobs, hanging out with Cay and Greg and Kasey and all of them, went out to Malvern last weekend without getting plastered to the point of puking, saw the movie Alexander, which was pretty good.

Ick, today its been one year since my whole ordeal last december, me trying to knock myself off at 10 or 11am, waking up about an hour from now, blah blah blah. Oh well, I'm over it, I'm happy, and I have someone I love now, its all good. :)

Christmas is coming up, and I yet again have no money, sad. I'll be buying people christmas gifts around my own birthday, lol. Better late then never eh? Yeah. Hopefully christmas will be good this year, I get to spend it with Gina, and my moms is accepting our relationship, so she'll be allowed at my family deals, it'll be nice. :) woop, woop.

2 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

How seldom we belong but how elegant our kiss [29 Nov 2004|08:35pm]
[ mood | sick ]

Thanksgiving was really good, Gina and I went with her parents to the Old Country Buffet because neither of them were feeling up to cooking thanksgiving dinners, then gina and i went to my grandmas (by this time I was feeling really sick, as is customary for me on most holidays) talked to my mom, and she invited me AND Gina to her house, so shes trying to get used to the fact that I have a girlfriend, and really, it was a really nice visit. Gina commented on how my dad looked like a hillbilly, which was great, she got to see my cats (woo fun) my mom was nice to her, and my sisters fixed us each a piece of pumpkin cake (which is sooo good)I showed her our pet chicken, all in all a boring but good day. My grandma also told me that she was going to pay to get my car fixed, as long as I can pay her back in a couple of months. The next day, Cay's band Scarlett Skies played with Barter the Trigger, it was such a good show. Cay's band did really well, and Barter was freaking awesome, I swear Ryan gets better and more crazy at each show, when they got to Memphis Will Be Laid to Waste, he was running around the crowd and having everyone sing w/ him, and he jumped on cays back while singing, and then stood up on the bass drum and fell flat on his back, still singing. it was a great show! And we saw Colin there, and Greg (one of cay's girlfriends friends) there, Greg is really cool, I like hanging out with them. And I like colin more than I did, after we all hung out on Saturday.

Last Saturday, our friend Julia invited Gina and I to a party out in Melvern, IA, a couple of her friends live in a house by themselves while on of the girls mom is trying to sell the house, it took us like an hour and a half to find the place, cause Melvern doesn't have any payphones and we needed to call to find where her house was, so we had to drive 10miles away to find a phone, then no one answered, so we drove back, looking for a big house for sale that looked like a party was going on, and it just so happened that we stopped across the street to ask the people outside if they knew where the house were were looking for was, and we were right next to it. So with great luck, we found the house, and hung out. Gina and I both puked massive amounts, me puking outside on the deck, and then much more inside, gina luckily only puking inside, and we had to take turns at the toilet. lovely, really, puking with your girlfriend (not really actually, i hate puking in front of people but i couldn't really help it) but we're probably going to go hang out there next weekend, only without all the drinking and throwing up. The girls that live there (Kristine and Taryn) are both really cool, fun to hang out with and all that jazz.

2 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

[16 Nov 2004|05:29pm]
You hate me, you do
I don't feel the way you want me to
Stabbed in the heart
No flesh wound
Because you did the damage
With your words
I'm screaming
Screamed until my throat collapsed
There's nothing left
Not even shame, guilt, disgust
My soul is decaying
All the credit is due to you.

I can't get away, you won't let go
Tumbling down a dark dank hole
I feel so empty
You are so cold
All this time
And I have nothing to show
How could I ever love you
Why do you want me to
Kicked in the heart
Over and OVER!
Why do you want me to?
How could I ever love you!

Taken over
I'm no longer me!
Just the person
You've wanted me to be
I have to end it
Even if its the end of me
Will the jump hurt?
Will the pain go away?
Or a gun shot wound
The pain would be fleeting.
No other choice..right?
Or...is there.

Refrain --->

A shadow in my past
I broke free from you
The chain you bound me with
Shattered to pieces
You still haunt my memories
I hope I haunt your dreams
I wish I had better word choice. Ah, well, at least I try.
1 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

Cry all you want to, I don't CARE! [14 Nov 2004|08:30pm]
[ mood | happy ]

So our trip to St. Louis was really, really good! We got down there just fine, and on the first night gina and I went swimming, and walked down to this little shop for cigarettes, we were going to go to the arch, but it was really fucking cold out so we just went back to the hotel and smoked in the stairway. The next day, we went down to Union Station, but that was rather uneventful as the shops weren't spectacular or anything, but it was nice taking the metro, we thought we had lost Gina's mom, because she didn't get off of our stop with us, but it was only because she had to get off and verify her ticket. Then we went and found the place our concert was at, and went to go see this really pretty cathedral which has the worlds largest collection of mosaics, it was really cool to see. Then Gina and I drove to the Pageant to see if we could buy any tickets, and they were sold out. That totally sucked, so we stood outside of the box office, and gina mutters "man i really wish someone was selling tickets out here" and like 2 seconds later a guy is like "hey, anyone out here looking for tickets?" he only had one, so we were buying his off of him, and luckily another guy walked up wanting to sell his ticket as well, so very luckily for both of us, we were able to get tickets, otherwise there was no way we'd be able to see the concert.

The concert was AWESOME! Autopilot off was rather mediocre, I didn't like them very much, then Letter Kills took the stage and they put on a terrific performance, the lead singer was just crazy, running back and forth across stage, throwing himself on the floor, randomly walking into the audience, and then he and the bass player jumped into the audience at the end, the drummer kicked over his set, and the bass player got back up and smashed his bass, cause it wasn't his original one. And randomly in the middle of their set, a half naked guy with a huge white mullet wig on rode a bike through the middle of the stage, it was really funny. Then My Chemical Romance got on, and they were fucking awesome. I love that band so much. St. Louis kids mosh like crazy, Gina got elbowed in the face, and I got smashed in the jaw and crushed by the crazy moshers, my jaw still hurts dang it. But it was a great show. We left before story of the year, because, blah.

We went and saw the arch before we went home the next day, didn't really get to do much though cause the line for tram ride tickets was huge. Then we came home! Fun stuff. Barter the Trigger is playing at Perk Ave on Friday, and one of Cay's friends has a cabin that we're going to go to after the show, should be fun, good music, good friends, and time with the girl that I love. What more can a girl ask for? This weekend was really good, I loved spending so much time with Gina, and her mom was really cool this weekend too. :) yay.

2 shots to the back of the head.

Watch your back! [07 Nov 2004|03:53pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Damn, Gina and I were going to go see My Chemical Romance in St. Louis, MO on friday, but the show is all sold out. They're playing with Story of the Year (whom I really don't like) and Letter Kills (who are pretty decent) and I really want to go. We're probably still going to go down to St. Louis and see if we can buy tickets off of someone, or if we get desperate, sneak in. Yeah, that'll work :D

We dyed Ginas hair black yesterday, it looks really cute, as always. We went and saw trainspotting last night at the midnight movie, which was fun, it was a pretty decent movie. Nothing else really going on, however.

You Are a New School Democrat

You like partying and politics - and are likely to be young and affluent.

You're less religious, traditional, and uptight than most Democrats.

Smoking pot, homosexuality, and gambling are all okay in your book.

You prefer that the government help people take care of themselves.

2 shots to the back of the head.

If god had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. [04 Nov 2004|10:05pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Nothing really happened today, gina and I helped her mom rake leaves and went to eat at Old Chicago, fun stuff! Old Chicago left me feeling quite ill, then we went to my house to pick up my check, followed by our taking Tweek McSurly to the vet to get her shots and a flea treatment, poor baby cried the whole way, but shes home, fat and happy now. Fun stuff, and now we're at the library.

Picture time:

Its our kitty, little miss Tweek

My Gina!!

Want more...CLICK HERE!!!Collapse )

2 dead now | 2 shots to the back of the head.

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